After 2+ months of utter chaos, I have had enough. I am, granted slowly, getting my life back under some semblance of control. Sickness has had a heavy hand in the crazed life I have led recently, but that has not been all. It’s been travel, relationships, family, moving (that just this last week…and yes, only down the hall), animals…and love.
I’ve begun to realize I have a love issue. That thing that has been driving me up the wall about my brother? Yeah, that is actually an issue of how I translate love toward him. You know that way my sister starts acting toward evening, and the way I start getting all-up-in-her-face-pushy? You guessed it, another love issue lost in translation. So, love–acting and speaking in love-is one of my New Years resolutions.
Clarity is another. I have been confused on so many levels during the course of the last two years (this last particularly). “What do I do with my life?” “Is this really me, or just something I’ve been told by the world to do?” “What about my purpose?” “Is she telling the truth about who she see’s me as (meaning I should change), or is that anger speaking?” “Do my goals really count for anything?” “What did he mean by…?” “Am I really some religious nut as she would have me believe, or are my resolves biblicaly justified?” “Does he like me as a friend, or something more?” And so on and on…believe me, all this and more has been rattling around in my brain, trying to make sense of my life and the direction I am (or should be) headed.
The following is an excerpt of a blog I follow periodically…and I loved what David had to say on this day one month ago.
“‘Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?’ – www.reverb10.com
“My initial response to that question is, “how girly!” It’s so Eat Pray Love. Choosing one word to define a place, or a person, or a year. Then I sat with it for a minute. And you know what? I kind of like it. It doesn’t matter if it’s girly or not. It doesn’t matter if whatshername already mentally stole the longer version of my word because we still share the same brain. And it doeesn’t matter if I’m 3 days tardy on posting this. None of it matters. Because summing anything up in just one word gives clarity. As this year comes to a close and a new year is almost upon us, having clarity is a beautiful thing. It’s cleansing and renewing. I can’t think of a better way to end one chapter and start the next then with a single word on a stark white page…My word for 2011 – Free.‘“
As I already indicated, clarity is the word that caught my attention here. So, CLARITY is my word for 2011…and a goal.
I’m sorry this post is so short and rather disjointed (well, not nearly as clear as I’d like to make it). I just got off work at 11:45 this evening; fed my dog in the freezing cold; and decided to sit down for a few minutes with a deliciously hot cup of cider and update my blog. Time is now up…I need to get in bed so I can be back up and rolling by seven tomorrow morning.
Happy New Years.