Well, I guess you could say that today is actually tomorrow. Or…yesterday is today. I know I’m late. But I haven’t gone to sleep for the night, so in my book, it’s still yesterday…or, today actually.
So, today I was supposed to share with you some of my disappointments of 2010.
The most blatantly obvious can be summed up by these two words: Halfhearted and Apathetic.
The year of 2010 went by in a blur…a blur where I often merely went through the motions, halfheartedly and with great apathy. My relationships with people took a bit of a dip; in great part due to my seeming inability to keep up. I felt sluggish through a greater part of the year. And my relationship with the Lord didn’t grow stronger, deeper, more passionate, or fulfilled. It just was. In fact, I struggled quite a bit with my salvation; the fact that I could do nothing to earn myself salvation or to make myself more deserving has been quite clear to me for years. Yet, somehow, this past year, I found myself wondering at my sinful heart and actions, and thinking that I was the least deserving of all people of the grace of God. That if I could somehow pull myself together, to follow a little more strictly those guidelines set up for us through the Scriptures…well, then I might be deserving of God hearing, much less answering, my prayers. That then He might desire to spend time with me. That then, perhaps He might begin to find me beautiful.
Just how wrong was I, you may ask? Ephesians chapter two has this to say in answer to my faulty thinking:
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
God started to pull me out of my faulty thinking, my halfheartedness and apathy, in the fall…but it’s still been a struggle at times. I just have to remind myself of what the scriptures say, what I know to be truth.
That, I would say, is my biggest disappointment of 2010; that I did not grow even closer to my Savior; that I did not become ‘more like Him’.
And that would be my greatest goal for 2011. To become more like my Christ with each passing day. To ask, and allow, Him to take over all of my life…to guide and direct it where He will. That is my hope for this new year.