I wonder if my expectations are too high.
Do I demand more than is reasonable? Are the things I have so much trouble with a necessary and unavoidable daily encounter in the life I wish to lead, that of a SAHM? Or is it possible to live in the order I want to, without my household quaking in fear at the drill sergeant, or, as a friend of mine likes to term it, constant ‘pirate momma’ moments?
Tuesdays are my ‘day about the house’. I don’t have to work till the evening, so I have most of the day for cleaning, cooking, washing, and general catch-up. Of course, I have ‘cello lessons in the middle of the morning, so that leaves me a little less time in my day to ‘get done’. Still, I can get a lot done on Tuesday (if I’m well, that is–which, thankfully, after nearly two weeks of constant illness, I have been feeling pretty much great; one thing you have to say for illness and disease, they really make you fully aware and extremely grateful for the days that seem to be clear of it/them). But there came a point yesterday (a point I often hit, which coincides with the reappearnce of various members of my family–meaning the house is no longer completely under my control) when I hit an extreme low. When it didn’t seem to matter what I got done…it would just be undone in a matter of hours, if not minutes. A point when I felt so helpless and desperate, that I wanted to just take the easy (and totally useless) way out, and sit down and cry. Of course, that helps nothing.
I have done a nearly complete 180 from my childhood. I was a complete slob growing up. I’m serious. Utterly, and completely. Now, well, my bedroom could use some cleaning…namely, I need a filing cabinet for all my paper junk (bills, statements, letters, etc…), and a dresser with just one or two more drawers. But the rest of my house? Oh, I’m not a spartan housekeeper; I couldn’t live like that. I like stuff, I like knic-knacs and such…but I want it all orderly and very neat. I think there should be a place for everything…and everything in it’s place. Thing is, with seven adults (and one on the way) living in the same house, we’ve outgrown it. I don’t think that God created adults to live together in such numbers…but I do believe He does call us out of what’s comfortable many times throughout our lifetimes. 🙂
Another thing; get real, Cara—you live on a ranch. Meaning dirt…mud…other and worse stuff….flies….bugs a’plenty….dogs pouring out of our ears….in a word; uncleaness….or work, whichever you prefer. Do I really want a pristine house? You know, the kind you see in those Southern Homes magazines? yes….I mean, no? I don’t know. I want it to look that way; clean, inviting, peaceful. But I don’t want my house to be uncomfortable; one of those ‘don’t touch anything, you might rumple it’ types.
That’s my hash-out. Questions asked….none answered. I’m still confused and uncertain. But at least I said it.
Other news; I am working on moving my blog back to a wordpress.com hosted domain. It will still be stonerosevalley, and hopefully, I can import (or would that be, export?) the entirety of what is written here to there, and take up where I left off. That’s the plan, anyway. Right now, I’ve been working on updating the cosmetics of the old site–getting it all ‘up-to-date’. My lease here expires in June, and I am hoping to be completely moved over by May, if not earlier. Keep a look out, and I’ll keep you updated. 🙂