seems to be my life these days. I’m not saying this as a plea for pity…it’s just a statement. One which acknowledges the grace given through that sunshine, sporadic though it may seem. I’m learning–I’ve been learning for quite some time, actually–to truly appreciate the sun through those clouds…what’s that saying about never really knowing what you got till it’s gone?
I’m learning to be 100% grateful for the good days, the clear days, and try to use them the best I can. Not necessarily pack the most stuff I can in…it’s quality, not quantity, you know.
I’m learning that my life is gonna be different then what I had planned at sixteen. That I do what I can. That I don’t plan my activities, my schedule, to please men…but God. Even if my best looks like mediocre at most to those around me, if it’s done for Christ, that’s all that matters. He sees what goes into it, whether my heart was in it or not…where my priorities where; and His opinion is really all that matters. But I dearly love the approval of man…who doesn’t?
I watched a movie tonight…(spoiler alert!) called MY GIRLFRIENDS BOYFRIEND…it was highly annoying most of the time; I saw the surface, looked at appearances rather than what lay beneath the story. I fell for Ethan…and couldn’t understand why a girl would play him like that when he was so clearly special. He wasn’t perfect…but he was good. He was solid, he was sweet. He was funny, talented, annoying at times, fun to be with, great with kids, had a loving relationship with his sister and her family; he was a guy who wasn’t ‘hero worthy’, or perfect, but he was a guy worth it. Most of my reservations were dispelled at the end when every action was made clear.
And then I wondered, through my tears at the amazingly beautiful character of this young man….I wondered if I’d ever meet someone like that? Someone I could just be friends with, who I could hang out with, and be relaxed and free. Someone who’d love me anyway, despite my many imperfections. Someone who would marry me even if I could never have his kids. Would I matter that much to someone? I think I cried as much for myself as at the sweet ending to this movie.