What is wrong with me?
I’ve been asking myself that question for a long time now. Each time, I acknowledge the fact that I face depression. But each time, something inside me doesn’t want to admit to that, and it sets about covering up that fact with a lie. “It’s not depression, you just have to get your act together”…..”you’re fine…you’re normal” but not true. A friend and I discussed just the other night how there really is no such thing as normal. But that’s beside the point.
I picked up a book by Leslie Vernick yesterday. Listen to these excerpts;
Walking Out Of Darkness Into Light
‘We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows.’ Isaiah 59:9
“Some women don’t even realize that the symptoms they are experiencing are depression. Instead, they may complain of endless fatigue (I do!), various aches and pains (got those), mental slowness or confusion (check!), memory lapses (definitely have those!), insomnia (yes), irritability (don’t believe me? Ask my family!), sadness (is there a cure?), and a nagging feeling of emptiness that won’t go away (I really hate the emptiness!).
Even when a women’s depression is physiologically based, depression always affects her relationship with herself, others, and God, which often triggers a downward spiral of guilt, blame, and self-hatred with negative thoughts, as well as sad, unhappy, and anxious feelings (I know mine has had just this affect on me!).
I want to help you know God better so that you will experience His love for you. Love is absolutely essential to our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health, and I want you to know and trust deep within your heart that no one loves you more than God does right now. I also want you to learn now to love others well and to be loved in return. I am not alone in wanting these things for you. God wants these things for you too.
If your depression has been chronic or recurrent, you know that feeling better may be temporary. In order to gain the ability to fight future bouts of depression, you must begin to see yourself, God, and others differently. You must learn healthier and more truthful ways of thinking, feeling, and living with yourself and with others. These skills are not usually mastered easily or quickly, and they take repeated practice, as with any other new skill, in order for them to feel a natural part of who you are.
It is my prayer that you will have the rich experience of knowing God as your Comforter, Healer, Redeemer, and Restorer. He wants you to know that you are not worthless, things are not hopeless, and that you are not helpless. You are not alone. He will help you fight this battle!”
‘He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.’ Psalm 18:16-17